Many of my clients come to me saying they have tried everything. I used to say this too but really it just felt like I had tried everything. It was exhausting keeping up with the latest guru or treatment. Every week I still hear about a new treatment or therapy and some of us really have done a lot of work. I’ve even had clients who have remortgaged their homes to pay for the latest treatment but this brings up a curious question;
How come some people do everything right, try so hard and stay sick, and others don’t but seem to get well or do ok?
In my reading and research I have heard stories about people who do the vegan, organic thing, are exercising and meditating but die in their early 40s and then there's that old guy in the pub who smokes 40 a day whilst reading the sports page and is doing just fine! What's up with that?!
Now there are probably lots of answers to this riddle from genetics to mindset but I want to share something I’ve seen in my few years of talking with people with chronic physical issues.
First, lets look at the idea of 'doing it right'. So many of us have perfectionist thinking, it’s what got a lot of us into trouble in the first place! But with this kind of thinking we are now trying to do our pain perfectly, or our recovery the ‘right way’? And what does doing it the ‘right way’ mean?
For some it might be following Dr’s orders perfectly but then they are drinking to excess or adding in a bit of weed on the side, “one drink wont hurt and pot takes the edge off”. Or they are sober and meditating religiously but stuck in an abusive relationship. Or they are taking all the right supplements, eating everything organic but are stressed out about politics or the environment. In a low mood we believe we need those treatments, we need to work at forgiving, we need drugs to take the edge off or slow us down. We believe professionals who tell us we are broken and need fixing. No amount of pilates, organic food, yoga, surgery, or positive thinking is going to override a dysregulated nervous system caused by stressful thinking. That's right, its not the situations that are causing the stress but the thinking about it.
When research studies report that treatments give “a better than usual outcome” this is measured on a scale where only the slightest difference can be reported as a good result. The difference is so slight that a good nights sleep or finding a good parking space could have given you the same lift!
So, is it the treatment, the good night sleep or the fortuitous parking that made you feel better?
The answer is ….. none of the above!
We live in a Thought created world and therefore we are only ever feeling our thinking about the world, never our circumstances. Anyone who has had a shift in their thinking to a more positive attitude is naturally going to be more grateful, more relaxed and therefore less stressed. In a better state of consciousness, we are all naturally more open minded, positive and forgiving. This calms the nervous system and we feel better. Its our Innate health. Its really that simple.
What if you understood how this worked? What if you really saw that your feelings of calm and wellbeing weren’t coming from the magnesium cream or that walk in the park, the expressive writing course or the surgery but they are already in you? What if you knew that every bad feeling and funky thought is going to pass, is not you and that you are innately ok? This is how 25 years of chronic pain, addictions and traumatic memories can go away.
Can a better state of mind change the fact that you had a traumatic experience? Can a good mood change an abusive childhood or the loss of a loved one? No, but it doesn’t need to because in a better state of mind you are accessing all the wisdom and resilience you need to be the best you. Strong and resilient, common sense then guides you. You are forgiveness and you are generosity. No one in a good mood needs to write a gratitude list, they are just naturally grateful!
If you are curious about these ideas, if you feel like you’ve tried everything and still don’t feel right, I encourage you to slow down and stop trying to fix what isn’t broken. That's how my pain went away. Understanding this is priceless, let me show you how.