Many psychobabble phrases have bothered me over the years but I couldn't always put my finger on why. Today I had an insight into the 'Act as if' one and wanted to share. Acting as if is based on the premise that there is something wrong with how things are now, or 'isness' as Syd Banks called it, and that if we act or pretend to be something else that will get rid of our insecurities and make us feel better. This 'wishness' philosophy takes a lot of work; we have to be better, thinner, smarter, have more confidence, be more popular which means that happiness and contentment are always somewhere else, always just out of reach. All this effort is exhausting and because 'over there' is doesn't exist, it's an illusion, it's frustrating!
Now that I understand that I am always living in a thought created world I have sooo much compassion for Don Quixote. He fought windmills thinking they were giants and needed weapons to attack them. I was always fighting my own windmills; doubt, self-pity, and resentment only they showed up disguised as your fault and injustice. All the tools and self-help techniques I learned were like weapons to fight these imaginary giants and I covered up my insecurities with the armor of looking successful. But it was an innocent misunderstanding of how things really work.
The belief that I had to be a certain way or you would reject me was all a story that I had made up, an illusion made of thought. It's not that I needed to change or even my thinking that needs to change for me to be ok, it's seeing that thought is unreliable and always moves on. The answer is being present in the moment because that's where we connect with wisdom and resilience. Being in the moment is not a geographical place, it's not a fantasy either, it's truth, it's where we shine. In the moment, this very moment, we really have everything we need, all the good, secure feelings are already here because they naturally come from who we really are underneath all that armor, so no acting or effort necessary.
With love, Chana
